Sunday, April 26, 2009

Another Post Chemo Post

Well, aside from decreased appetite, pins and needles in my hands and feet, shaky hands, muscle spasms and tightness in my calves, and general tiredness, I feel pretty good, considering I had poison injected into my veins 2 days ago and continue to take poison by mouth every morning and evening now. Captain Obvious was not able to go to the hospital with me since he was out of town on training, but a good friend took me instead and she was very helpful and comforting. I have gotten over my fear of IVs enough that I let the phlebotomist insert it this time and of course she messed up and had to stick me again. Now my hand is all bruised...oh well. The arm that gets the IV always seems more pins-and-needles and just more sensitive in general, so again I have that problem.

Thinking about the next week or so, right now my nausea is well controlled by Emend, but that medicine can only be taken for 3 days (don't know why, exactly) so I have to count on Zofran (which I do not like because it constipates me so badly) and Ativan (which I worry about taking when I am alone with my little one, despite having been told that it is perfectly fine). Anyhow, I guess I am going to have to be more open to taking Ativan because I have to control the nausea somehow. I am without my mother's helper during the week she usually comes because she is taking a week long driver's ed course, but it looks like Captain Obvious can come home early enough to allow me the nap I so desperately need on those days.

It is ridiculously hot outside (in the high 80s and low 90s!) and this is very disappointing because it makes it harder to go outside and do things with Captain Adorable. The heat tires us both. Of course, so far the heat has not affected me that much since I have not left the house except to blow bubbles on the deck. Sleeping is once again a chore, because our bedroom is hot, partly because all the vents are covered by our king-size bed and the little one's toddler bed. Speaking of the toddler and bed, last night he came to our bed at 3:44 and pretty much kept both parents awake with snot-driven snoring and general twitching until I finally put him back in his own bed at 5:00. Then we slept till 7:15 or so, but found that Capt. Adorable had wandered out into the hall, instead of coming to our bed as usual when he awakens in the morning. I guess we will see more and more changes like this as time goes on. If only I knew what to do about the air conditioning issue so our room were not so dang hot.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Windy Picnic

Today Captain Adorable, my Mom, and I went to the National Arboretum. We met KindandCalm, her son Cheerful, and her baby girl. We just so happened to get there right at feeding time for the koi in the pool outside the visitor's center, so the boys (born only 2 days apart) were allowed to dig in to the feed bucket and throw the fish food into the pool. They loved this activity, to the point that we thought perhaps Cheerful would fall in the water because he got so close to the edge of the pool with each toss. The beautiful koi were hungry and it was fun to watch them compete for food. There was also a lucky duck in attendance.

We played around in the herb garden for a while, both boys running around, up and down stairs, with glee. It is a little worrisome to have them in such a beautiful garden because you worry about them picking flowers, but I think they were too busy running around to bother. Captain Adorable did find some clumps of grass clippings that he threw into the grass. I guess the lawn part was freshly mown. His little hands were quite green!

Then we walked to and through the famous azalea gardens (over 40,000 azaleas!) which had some early bloomers out but nothing like it will be in a week or two. It was still beautiful and smelled wonderful too. Captain Adorable was a bit slow and found some mud to play in, so then his hands were green and muddy (blah), but I managed to round him up and pull him along with a gentle grip on his arm (over quiet protests of "my arm!").

Finally, we toddled across the grass on a primitve path to the stately columns installation and had our picnic lunch sitting on the fountain. It was rather windy but we managed without getting too cold. By that time everyone was ready to head home, so we said goodbye. Captain Adorable had a nice nap in the car, and I carried him to the couch once we got home.

I took a bunch of pics. Let me see if I can post one or two...

Monday, April 20, 2009

Nice Days

I've been feeling better (though still have low-level nausea a lot of the time) for the last few days. Since Sunday, really. Captain Adorable and I went to the first music class (a make-up since we missed our first official one the week before we registered for the class) and it was So Much Fun! Capt. Adorable sings and dances and participates in everything the class does. Even the teacher commented that he was "so engaged," and she was impressed that he was already singing a fifth (we sing "clean up" when it is time to put away whatever instruments we have been playing). I don't really care if these classes make my little one sing on key and move rhythmically, but I do care a lot that he has fun in a way that is good for his brain! These music classes seem to really appeal to him--I don't know if he is just developmentally at the perfect place for the classes or if he's a musician...whatever, we've got our second one, at our official time/day, tomorrow.

He sings a lot. Not necessarily the proper tune or all the words of the song, but he knows several songs now (Bah Bah Black Sheep, Rock A Bye Baby, ABCs, Hush Little Baby, Row Row Row Your Boat, and Happy Birthday). It is really sweet when he sits in his car seat and bursts into Row Row Row Your Boat or when out on a walk in the woods starts singing about the baby in the treetops (Rock A Bye Baby). And of course anytime anyone mentions a birthday, he will say or sing Happy Birthday with a big smile on his face. He's still making jokes; after his bath tonight he told me that ducks say moo and he eats trees. :)

So, Captain Obvious has been gone on his training trip since Sunday. Being the sole parent/care giver is a bit difficult--especially during that time after dinner but before bed...when I am tired from the day but there is no one to relieve me. Still, it is not too bad and we are making it fine. Yesterday and today were nice days. I am enjoying giving Capt. Adorable his baths (usually a Capt. Obvious thang) because I get to see how he plays with his bath toys. He does like to splash, but has been well trained by his Daddy, so only rarely does he stomp in the water or something similar enthusiastically enough to be reprimanded. He also has this foam alphabet, which sticks to the tile, and much to my surprise, he knows 7 letters of the alphabet. He knows O for Opa, M for his own name, T for mama's name, K for daddy's name, D for dump truck, B for bulldozer, and I for ice cream. He will find the letters, tell you what the letter is called and what it is for, and then put it up on the tile. He often puts the M "high up." It used to be that he always B was for bird, and when I'd say B is for bulldozer, he'd say "No!" but now he always says B is for bulldozer. Yes, he loooooves construction equipment.

I think he also loves the fact that Mama is not sick mama this week.

He misses his Daddy a lot though. Today he told me he wanted to send an email to tell Daddy to come home, and a few minutes later he said he was going to go find Daddy. He especially misses Daddy at dinner time. Both yesterday and today he cried for Daddy then. :( I just hold him and kiss him and tell him that Daddy will come home on Friday.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Hard Week

It has been a while since I posted because I haven't had much to say. I've been feeling tired and sick. I've thrown up a lot this week. Actually, I threw up so much/hard last evening that my throat is still sore. The last vomit session showed some blood (not much, no getting excited--clearly from my throat) even. My skin is terribly dry and my feet in particular are painfully so. I do get out with my little Captain, in the mornings. We go to the park or the playground or the mall. I also signed us up for Music Together, which I am really looking forward to, and I think my Mom will also like (she will have to take him now and then).

Two pieces of good news! 1) the mother's helper I hired is working out very well. Captain Adorable enjoys the time he spends with her (she takes him outside for walks and he loves that!). Of course the fact that the weather is nice, making it possible for her to take him outside helps a lot too. I really need the naps that her presence allows me, so it helps me a lot too. I have spied on her/them several times and I have always seen her behave gently and patiently with him, so I feel comfortable. 2) Our awful neighbors are moving out! I can only hope for a set of neighbors that is not so bad and does not have a dog!

Next week is the week with no pills, so I am hoping to feel much better. I have no helper next week, and Captain Obvious is going to be out of town the whole week for training. Thank goodness my Mom is coming on Wednesday. I am currently having trouble eating and cooking, because food just turns me off right now.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Gettting Up and Going

I am tired and I have no get up and go. It takes me about 2 hours to get going in the morning. However, I am able to get up and go eventually, thanks to the change in the meds. Thank goodness for my mother, who puts up with my slowness, my grumpiness, and takes such good care of her grandson, when I am too tired to do anything but sit on the couch and gaze at my computer.

Today we went to story time at the library. While those two went in to story time, which was a vast disappointment, I searched for various authors (authors of children's books) I've seen recommended. The library had I think 2 of the 10+ authors I was looking for! I was rather disappointed. I also checked out a toddler activity book, but it was not really what I was hoping for once I got it home...anyhow, I collected Captain Adorable and Oma from the playground outside where they had adjourned from the failed story time and we went home to lunch. After lunch we went for a lovely walk at a local wildlife refuge, which was wonderful, but a little cold and too short. We plan to go back tomorrow (it is going to be 10 degrees warmer tomorrow) and have a picnic lunch.

Captain Adorable told me that the trash truck should take away my computer today. He also said it should take away Oma's computer and his cell phone.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Sad and Unmotivated

So, as you may have noticed in the last couple posts, although my body feels much better than in the first two chemo sessions, I am feeling very sad. I have no motivation. I am wrung out. I could probably go clean up the kitchen, maybe even make some of those crackers Captain Adorable likes so much, but I just don't want to. It is nice outside, temperature wise, but it has been raining, so I am not even interested in trying out the bike Captain Obvious fixed up for me. All I want to do is just sit here on the couch and play on my computer. Total waste of time. But I am just not motivated for anything else. It all seems like so much hassle. I should probably set a goal for myself so I get something accomplished today, but even taking a shower seems like a big hassle for nothing...

Fortunately my mom is here to be with Captain Adorable. I don't know what I will do when she cannot come any more.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Feeling Better Than Usual

Well, the change in accompanying drugs has helped a lot. I am awake and not miserable. Granted, I don't want to do much besides sit on the couch with my computer, but it looks to me like getting rid of the compazine is going to improve my post-chemo period quite a bit. I like this move towards chemo day (I'd be happy with chemo weekend) instead of chemo life. Yes, I still have all sorts of little tortures (the red, hot face from steriods, the thin and dry skin, the tight fingers and calves, et cetera) but they are bearable and don't consign me to bed for hours at a time.

I feel even more confident about getting a bike now. But maybe a good place to start is just by taking Captain Adorable and his bike and a stroller to the places where I would like to bike and just check them out. Not today, but maybe by Wednesday or Thursday I will feel up to venturing out.

Thank goodness my mother is here still and I have her invaluable help with Captain Adorable and household chores. I can see that without her around we are going to eat a lot of sandwiches or convenience foods for dinner. I suppose I ought to get more organized and make food that I can freeze till we need it while I feel good, but honestly, there are so many things I'd rather be doing during that time...sigh.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Chemo Day

I am stressed out and unhappy. I cried for a long time last night with Captain Obvious. I hate chemo and I can't wait for it to be done and this good news of mine means that chemo is going to go on for a long time. I don't know if I can do that. I can't do chemo for the rest of my life. The effects on my family of me doing chemo for the rest of my life seem unbearable to me. But I want to have a rest of my life. Is this really the only way to have a rest of my life? So far I have not found any answers I want to hear. I am so unhappy.