Friday, February 29, 2008

In New Orleans

I am in New Orleans with the Captains. We've been very relaxed and having lots of fun so far. The weather is so mild and nice it is wonderful to be here. I got to go on nice walks both days we've been here so far. People are so nice here and everything seems so laid back...I remember the reasons why I like the South...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Update Time!

Co-Sleeping Update
Both Captains and I are happily sleeping in one family bed these days. The snoring seems to have either abated or we've gotten used to it again...either way, it is wonderful to all sleep together again finally. Also, I should mention that one of the reasons I loved co-sleeping so much in the beginning is because it made nursing at night So Much Easier than if I had to get up, go to another room, et cetera. When you co-sleep you can just make sure the baby latches and go back to sleep! (Assuming you are able to nurse in the sided-lying position, which is a key skill to learn!)

Captain Adorable Update
Capt. Adorable is more and more active and adventurous. He walks backwards and sideways with ease and confidence now. He also walks forwards at a pretty good rate--good enough to walk in a mall on a weekend and not cause too much of a traffic problem, anyhow. Yesterday we took him to a playground with lots of slides. He loved them and actually started going headfirst (his choice!) down one that he particularly liked. Yes, there was a parent at the bottom to catch him! :) It was really cute to see the excitement on his face when I was the one at the bottom and it was exciting to see the way he launched himself into the slide from the top when I was at the top with him. He had a bit of a stomach virus and wasn't eating well for a couple of days, but he is all better now, thank goodness. I think I am almost over the stomach virus, too (which I caught from him, of course).

Update on Next Cancer Scan
My next scan is on March 31. I am dreading it already. I have to have an IV because my oncologist wants the scan with contrast this time. I am also allergic to intravenous iodine (the contrast agent) and so I have to take prednisone starting 2 days before the scan to prevent an allergic reaction. I have a strong physical reaction to even thinking about scans and other procedures associated with cancer/chemotherapy, so taking the prednisone for 2 days beforehand will be quite unpleasant for me. I hope it is worth it and I can go back to having scans without contrast because having it with contrast is really asking a lot of me. Then again, sometimes I wish I had agreed to having a PET scan before I had lung surgery because then we would have known it was cancer beforehand and I would not have put off surgery...or would I have? It was nice to have those last few weeks of thinking everything was birthday celebration last year will be the last one I will ever have without the cancer cloud over my head. Sorry, feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Update on Travel
The Captains and I are going to New Orleans soon to visit another family we know. They have 2 girls: one is about a year older than Captain Adorable and one is 3 weeks younger than him. Should be fun to see how they interact. :) It will be very interesting to see New Orleans again. Last time I was there was before Hurricane Katrina. I've seen several documentaries about the aftermath of the hurricane, but I would like to see the place with my own eyes.

And finally...not an update, more like a complaint
It bugs me a lot that my darling husband's family does not mention me when they talk about my husband. For instance, they will say things like, "Captain Obvious is coming to visit," when in reality, the people coming to visit are Captain Obvious, Captain Adorable, and me! I mean, saying that once or twice doesn't bother me, but the fact that it is said everytime is what gets me. The other one that got to me recently was, "Captain Obvious has decided to sell his house." Now, firstly, I own this house just as much as Captain Obvious, so it is OUR house, not his and not mine. Secondly, he did not decide to sell it, WE decided to sell it. Yes, I am deeply involved in decisions that are made concerning my family's future. I would like my role to be acknowledged. Perhaps it is just a mindless habit, but you'd think after being together with me for 8 years and married to me for 5 his family would speak about us as a couple instead of as though he were still single. Yes, it hurts my feelings.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Naptime is Important!

I did not nap with Captain Adorable this morning. Instead I read The Absolute Sandman Volume II. I regret that now, because I am very tired. I took the babe along on a couple of errands today and he fell asleep in the car on the way home. As soon as I saw he was asleep, I knew this was bad because I cannot get him out of the car without waking him up and once he has had a little bit of a nap, he will not go back to sleep. Plus, I was planning to try to get him to nap with me on the futon since Captain Obvious is working on the master bathroom and therefore the master bedroom was not a good place to sleep.

He was in an ok mood all afternoon, but towards evening his mood became really bad. I finally insisted he get a little shut-eye in my lap in the glider. Once he stopped fighting me (not very long) he went right to sleep. I woke him up at 6:00 (he went to sleep at about 5:20 or so) because I did not want to interfere with his bedtime. This made for a nice quiet half hour or so, but I (of course) did not sleep. I am not very tired and would like to go to sleep, so I will go to bed very soon.

Tomorrow will also be challenging with the naps because Captain Obvious will still be working on the bathroom. I will have to figure out how to get these naps taken care of, for both Captain Adorable and for me!

Thursday, February 21, 2008


A few days ago I was at one of those warehouse club stores and I bought a big plastic clamshell of blueberries. I thought Captain Adorable would love them. I was wrong. When you give him blueberries, he just crushes them between his fingers! No eating at all.

This morning I wanted to have blueberries with yogurt for breakfast. After I fed Captain Adorable his yogurt, I went about preparing mine. I took about half of the remaining blueberries out of the container, which I left on the counter while I turned to wash the berries I was about to put in my yogurt. When I turned around, there were blueberries all over the floor! I guess there is no denying that Captain Adorable is tall enough now to reach things which are close to the edge of the counter.

The funny thing was, I had to put Capt. Adorable out of the kitchen and put up the baby gate to keep him out while I cleaned up the blueberries. He was not eating them but he was so interested in them he was squashing them with his hands and feet while he tried to grab others. He was NOT happy about being shut out to the kitchen! Oh well, I couldn't let him just squash them all, now could I?

Monday, February 18, 2008


According to various things I've read on parenting sites and on podiatry sites, it is best for a child to wear soft-soled shoes until 2 years old. This allows proper development of the arch of the foot, as well as the muscles in the foot which are involved in walking and balance. Therefore, Captain Adorable has been wearing shoes with leather soles since September 2007. These shoes are cute in addition to being soft and comfortable. However, they are not great for walking around outside in the cold or the wet/damp/soggy...

Therefore I have been looking for good quality but not too expensive soft soled shoes for quite a few weeks now. The ones I really like online are $40+ per pair! This is a bit much for a pair of shoes he will likely wear for only a few months! Therefore, I decided to buy a "normal" pair of shoes for him. I searched out the pair with the most flexible bottom I could find. I tried to make certain that it was not too confining to the foot, but would still keep his feet dry and warm enough to play outside when the playground is wet and/or cold.

The shoes I bought are ridiculously difficult to put on. Not only that, but the first couple of times I put them on him (inside the house only), he would not walk, only crawl. My Mom (who is here visiting now) helped me to get him to walk by suggesting we each hold one of his hands and help him to walk. After a couple of times back and forth between the living room and the kitchen, he was clomping around fine. However, the shoes kept falling off of his feet! I finally had the shoes on in a way that I thought was good enough and we headed for the playground. At the playground, one of the shoes fell off again! Fortunately, I did bring his soft soled shoes with us and I put those on his feet instead and we just kept him away from the wet parts of the playground.

Today at the mall I saw a kiosk selling cute children's shoes. I tried out the flexibility of the soles, and was pleased to see that they were quite soft, the shoes were light, and they were also waaaaaay cute. I bought them. Now I can't wait to take Captain Adorable to the playground so he can wear the new shoes! I am so pleased with them (so far...).

In case anyone was wondering, I have not stopped reading. I am so enamored with the Sandman books that I've been re-reading them, much more carefully and slowly this time. I love the story(ies) and I have some objections to some things I see as discrepancies or bad choices...but they, that's me. :)

Friday, February 15, 2008

I Love Co-Sleeping

As I know I have mentioned before, we are a co-sleeping family. I have missed the family bed because during my drugged up chemo days I did not want to sleep with the baby because I felt it was unsafe. I am back in the bed with Captain Adorable now and I just want to write about how happy it makes me to share sleep. The soft breathing, the warm little body beside me, when he sweetly snuggles closer to me in the night, his head on my pillow...all those things and more lovely moments are the reasons I love sleeping with my son. Captain Adorable is not perfect; he does often wake up and cry (for no discernible reason) once or twice in the middle of the night (always pretty easily goes back to sleep--no getting out of bed involved) but I do not care. The reasons I love co-sleeping far outweigh the bits of sleep I lose when he cries.

Captain Obvious, on the other hand, is sleeping in the sewing room, on the bed (ok, futon) where I slept during chemo. This is because while we were sleeping apart each of us got used to silence and now we are each having a hard time with the other one's snoring. We both admit to snoring, but both of us think the other one is worse...Captain Adorable snores too, but his snoring is little a cute and only happens when he is snotty (and he has had a couple of colds recently).

When Captain Adorable was born we had a cradle set up on my side of the bed for him to sleep in. I spent half the night getting up to look at him or leaning over to listen for the sounds of his breathing and the other half getting up to take him across the hall to sit in the glider (which was in the nursery at the time) to nurse him. I did end up with the baby in bed with me pretty much every night because I was too tired to get out of bed to nurse him, and as a newborn, he needed to nurse a lot. Finally, one night as I was putting Captain Adorable into the cradle a couple of weeks after he was born, Captain Obvious said, "Why do you even bother putting him in that thing?" and we never looked back. From that night on, we all slept in the king-sized bed together. I read up on co-sleeping and it seems to be quite controversial...but it works great for us. Both parents love it and the baby seems to find it works perfectly for him, too.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Strong Emotions

If you've been reading my posts, maybe you've noticed that ever since I finished chemo, I have been experiencing strong emotions. I feel fear and sorrow the most, but I also feel angry. Maybe it is because during chemo all I could do was hold myself together with enough determination to make it through chemo. Maybe the fact that I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY ANSWERS to my questions about my life expectancy is what is getting me down.

Maybe I will write about my fear and sorrow and anger. Maybe I won't. I don't like these emotions and I do not view them as helpful and perhaps they are even counter to my best interests.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Back From Florida

We got back from Florida last night. It was very relaxing to be there. I love having Captain Obvious with me all the time (instead of missing him all day while he is at work), the weather was mild and wonderful, and Captain Obvious' aunt (we will call her Didi) and Captain Adorable made friends. The airplane rides there and back were not bad--Captain Adorable is such a cooperative little guy.

Didi is so sensitive to the needs of small children--she is enthusiastic and makes him laugh and she is also quiet sometimes, not providing constant stimulation but letting him set the pace and explore on his own. I felt comfortable enough to leave Captain Adorable in her care twice (in his entire life, he has never been cared for by anyone other than me, Captain Obvious, or my Mom before!). The first time I left Captain Adorable with Didi when Captain Obvious took me out to the ocean on the wave runner (and did not go too fast and all that--it was nice) and for the second time so that he and I could go out to dinner. The first time went very well and Capt. Adorable even napped while we were gone for a bit over an hour. The second time we were gone for an hour and a half, but we did not get back till 8:00 and Capt. Adorable was tired and was crying (Didi said he had been crying for about 20 minutes!) when we got back. She was just taking him for a walk in the back yard to see if that would help him calm down (probably would have worked), but I was really glad we got back when we did and wished we had come back sooner of course. Still, the next day Capt. Adorable loved Didi again, so obviously all was well. It is a big deal that I was able to trust someone enough to leave

It was great to go to the beach (almost) everyday while we were there. I love watching Capt. Adorable on the beach. He enthusiastically stuffs sand in his mouth, though! He ate so much sand that his poops were sandy! He had a great time in the water, too. In fact, Capt. Obvious was holding him in the water and he was happily giggling and gooing until we noticed his lips were turning blue. We took him in to the warm sand and they turned pink again quickly enough, but it was cute that he was so happy despite being cold.

I've been feeling sad lately. I wish I knew more about my chances of survival. The statistics are so oppressive and it is so easy for me to get caught up in their implications. I start to wonder if I should write birthday letters for Capt. Adorable since I am going to die (or it seems that way, anyway). Maybe this blog is for Capt. Adorable, so he will read this when I die and know how much I loved him and how important he was in my life. My longed-for and long-awaited baby boy...