Monday, March 30, 2009

CT Scan Results

The results show that the cancer is not growing. Which means the chemo is working. Which is good news. As my Dad said, this means that everything I am going through is not for nothing. The correlation is that everything my family, and especially my Mom, does to take care of me and Captain Adorable is worth it.

And yet I feel sad and I cried a lot at the doctor's office today. Why? Well, because this means we will continue with chemo. And I hate chemo. I hate being constantly exhausted sick. I hate being nauseated. I hate hating life when I am awake. I was hoping it would be over. But no, it is not over till July. Oh, this is so difficult. I know I should be happy with this news. And I dread more chemo. Next chemo starts Friday. And even in July the break is probably only going to be a month or two.

One good thing. The doctor said that because this treatment is going to be part of my life for quite a while, she wants to figure out a better combination of drugs for me, so that I am not completely knocked out or hating life when I am awake. She said she wants me to be able to have chemo day, not chemo life. That sounds like a fabulous idea to me and so we are going to change up some of the drugs and dosages and hope that I will be feeling a bit better this next time. While also not throwing up.

She also reminded me that I am strong, my blood counts are not dropping (which is kind of amazing), and I have a lot going for me, health wise. She reminds me that my weight gain is from the steroids. She thinks that some type of pulmonary therapy would be a good idea, but since it would require me to find child care for Captain Adorable (which is difficult, expensive, and not attractive to me), she supports my desire to get a bike. Of course, that bike is rather expensive, so I am going to cruise craigslist for a while...wish me luck!


Dee Lux said...

Oh Rose! This is such good news. I know that chemo sucks, but we are all here to support you in any way we can. It's hard to be happy when you feel sick, but your dad is right. If you need someone to watch the little Captain while you're at therapy, just ask. Give me a job and I will do it!

Jocelyne said...

Wonderful wonderful wonderful news! (You made this stranger's day!) And yay for chemo day and not chemo life! I'll be happy for you until you feel up to feeling happy for yourself! Hugs