Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Rash Worse Again

Sigh. Just when it was almost all cleared up, I am covered in pimples all over my face Yes, even my eyelids. My neck is bad enough that I had to apply hydrocortizone cream (which burns burns burns for a few minutes until it calms down and the itch is soothed). I have big red pimples on my d├ęcolletage, too. I wonder if this is because I did not apply sunscreen to my sensitive areas (face and neck) and went to play in the water while visiting my parents. I was told that sun would make the rash worse...here I am, 2 days later and it is indeed worse. I wore a hat. I even wore the BIG hat. I just couldn't swim with Captain Adorable and wear the hat, so I took it off. I put it right back on again when I was not in the water. Or did I? Did I protect my face enough? Obviously not. Sigh.

In other news, I have been having diarrhea more often for the last few days. However, today it is getting bad.

Every day with cancer comes with a price. Sometimes it is a small price (wear a hat, put up with this rash) and sometimes it is a big price (thoracic surgery), and sometimes it is a price so big that for the rest of my life I will mourn it (losing my nursing relationship with my darling, darling little boy). All the prices, big and small, they all accumulate in my mind and on my heart. Sometimes I cry for myself and for my Captains and my parents and the other people I love. I think that is understandable.

Now for a bit of motherhood news. Today was Captain Adorable's first swimming lesson. He has been in the water (swimming) plenty of times. He's been in pools, a couple of hot tubs, a pond, and the ocean. This morning, however, he got to walk around in the shallow water of an indoor pool with only 3 other children (who were also being shadowed by their mommies). The class instructor had toys that floated and toys that sank for the kids to play with and Captain Adorable enjoyed carrying those around and giving them to people. He loves giving stuff to people. :) Next lesson is on Thursday morning. It brings me joy to see him so beautiful and happy, exploring the water, his body, interacting with other people. Love love love.


Amina said...

you paint such lovely pictures - I just got wet watching the little one walking round in the water - who splashed me?

mamefati said...

Sending you some love and well wishes momma!