Thursday, October 25, 2007

Crying Today...Crying Tomorrow...

I walked from 9:07 this morning till 10:36. Capt. Adorable was asleep by 9:15, but he woke up well before I got home--he only napped for an hour.

He cried a lot today because he wanted to nurse. I cried a bit too, as always, and had to pull myself out of it, as always, because my baby needs me to help him more than I need to cry. I wish I could at least tell him how badly I want to nurse him, how sorry I am to have to wean him, and how dearly I love him. All I can do is hold him close, allow him to scratch me as much as he needs to, and sing him songs or whatever else he needs to distract him from his sadness. Of course the distractions don't always work and like I said, there was a lot of crying today.

I nursed him twice today--both short ones. Once in the waiting room of the midwives' office and once at home. He napped in the car both on the way to the midwife and on the way home, so I guess he got about an hour (or an hour plus a few minutes) total. I did not nap at all. I am tired--physically tired. Capt. Adorable has been rather demanding (maybe a better word is clingy) this week; probably because of the decrease in nursing. I can barely use the bathroom. I cannot leave him alone in his play area at all. He wants to be with me all the time. The mei tai is getting more and more use again. He does eat well...he's not hungry when he cries for nursing...he wants the comfort and closeness of it...(so do I).

There will be crying tomorrow. I hope I can find the strength to once again hold my crying baby close to me and deny him what he is so desperately asking for. I hope this weekend the transition to zero day time nursings can go easily because of help from Capt. Obvious.

F*ck this is hard.

1 comment:

StudentNursey said...

Hugs to you mama, how hard this must be for you.