Sad

I've been so tired and so sad today. I took an Ativan last night to sleep at about 1:00. It was amazing--I could tell the pill had kicked in when I was able to stop crying. I did get a few hours of sleep, so the pill did its job. I do not like taking pills, but I think the Ativan was a good choice last night. Captain Obvious has asked me if I will take another one tonight...

Took Captain Adorable to a big local playground this morning. At first Captain Obvious was there with us, but once he left and we were alone I found myself lying down and sobbing inside the playground equipment. I had not seen a low overhang because of my hat and I smashed my forehead/nose right into a little roof. I sat/crumpled down and could not stop myself from succumbing to sorrow for a few minutes. Thank goodness Captain Adorable was happily amusing himself, seemingly ignoring me for long enough for me to pull myself together.

Then we went to the swimming lesson. On the way there I decided to call my non-communicative brother and tell him the news so that the first words I say to him in Hawaii are not "its worse than we thought." He did not say much, but I didn't really expect him to and so designed the call to be very short.

Took a 3 hour nap this afternoon. Thank goodness Captain Adorable was tired too, because I needed that sleep. He wanted me to wake up and I wanted to stay asleep a bit longer, and was not responding to his usual little touches, so he bit my arm! Well, it got me out of bed. We went downstairs and I made him a snack, then we went out to the backyard to play. When Captain Obvious got home he joined us in the backyard (until a work emergency took him inside) and then we went out to dinner because I could not get up the energy to cook and, well, we needed the distraction.

Still trying to plan our trip to Maui. We will be there for 3 days, then Oahu for 9 days, then the big island for 2 days. I was planning for us to stay on the north shore of Maui at a B&B on a flower farm, but it turns out that they have a strict policy of only allowing 2 people in a room. Wha? I don't get it. Why do we have to have 2 rooms for 2 adults and a toddler? Seems insane. Most of the other B&Bs have the same policy, so I guess we're going to have to stay at a big corporate hotel where our family is allowed to all stay in the same room. I had planned a relaxing itinerary that included the Road to Hana but now I am thinking maybe we will just hang out at some resort in Lahaina and maybe take a day trip to Lanai...we will see. I feel like my sorrow is leaking over into the planned escape from reality. I don't like that.