Tuesday, August 12, 2008


I've been so tired and so sad today. I took an Ativan last night to sleep at about 1:00. It was amazing--I could tell the pill had kicked in when I was able to stop crying. I did get a few hours of sleep, so the pill did its job. I do not like taking pills, but I think the Ativan was a good choice last night. Captain Obvious has asked me if I will take another one tonight...

Took Captain Adorable to a big local playground this morning. At first Captain Obvious was there with us, but once he left and we were alone I found myself lying down and sobbing inside the playground equipment. I had not seen a low overhang because of my hat and I smashed my forehead/nose right into a little roof. I sat/crumpled down and could not stop myself from succumbing to sorrow for a few minutes. Thank goodness Captain Adorable was happily amusing himself, seemingly ignoring me for long enough for me to pull myself together.

Then we went to the swimming lesson. On the way there I decided to call my non-communicative brother and tell him the news so that the first words I say to him in Hawaii are not "its worse than we thought." He did not say much, but I didn't really expect him to and so designed the call to be very short.

Took a 3 hour nap this afternoon. Thank goodness Captain Adorable was tired too, because I needed that sleep. He wanted me to wake up and I wanted to stay asleep a bit longer, and was not responding to his usual little touches, so he bit my arm! Well, it got me out of bed. We went downstairs and I made him a snack, then we went out to the backyard to play. When Captain Obvious got home he joined us in the backyard (until a work emergency took him inside) and then we went out to dinner because I could not get up the energy to cook and, well, we needed the distraction.

Still trying to plan our trip to Maui. We will be there for 3 days, then Oahu for 9 days, then the big island for 2 days. I was planning for us to stay on the north shore of Maui at a B&B on a flower farm, but it turns out that they have a strict policy of only allowing 2 people in a room. Wha? I don't get it. Why do we have to have 2 rooms for 2 adults and a toddler? Seems insane. Most of the other B&Bs have the same policy, so I guess we're going to have to stay at a big corporate hotel where our family is allowed to all stay in the same room. I had planned a relaxing itinerary that included the Road to Hana but now I am thinking maybe we will just hang out at some resort in Lahaina and maybe take a day trip to Lanai...we will see. I feel like my sorrow is leaking over into the planned escape from reality. I don't like that.


Anonymous said...

Don't miss the road to Hana - but take a tour bus. It is impossible to drive and sight see at the same time (and frightening!). Hike a little (easy walking) in the rainforest, and let the size of the trees, smell of the flowers, and trade winds carry your sorrow away. Try to take a tour that includes the seven sacred pools also, and walk down to them (again, easy walk).

Go parasailing too!

Try to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time - you will get your strength and your will back soon.

AP said...

I've been thinking about you today. I have been sitting here with nothing particularly pithy coming to my fingers. But I have been thinking about your reading community in the context of a snippet of a Woody Guthrie quote: "..about all a human being is, anyway, is just a hoping machine..." We are all out channeling our hope for you and trying to make that hope as productive as possible.

I don't know if you're interested, but I DO know food. Pretty well, actually. I've been to Hawaii a few times and could make a list of things for you to try, special dishes to look for and, in some instances, where to find them.

I think a lot of us just want to be a little more useful to you. Here's my stab at utility. Otherwise, I could just go on badly quoting Woody Guthrie.

Sullivans said...

I'm so sorry ... I wish I had something better to say... I just don't...I am thinking of you often...hugs mama.

Anonymous said...

your trip is going to be amazing regardless. i cannot wait to hear all about the fantastic time you and the captains have on your magical journey. please take lots of pictures for me! xoxox

Anonymous said...

i forgot to add, ativan is your friend. i take it daily. i hope you'll continue to embrace its goodness. let's email more about that. xoxo