Endoscopy and Colonoscopy Scheduled

Well, looks like I'm a weirdo. Nothing that looks like cancer showed up on the CT scan from yesterday. However, the 3 small tumors in my upper right lung have been growing. They are all a bit bigger. When I say "a bit," I am talking about a few millimeters (one grew 6 millimeters...). This is a slow-growing cancer.

The NCI team is convinced that I do not have lung cancer because of the genetic test (KRAS). But they say I am not showing a primary colon tumor and they may never find it, which would put me in the 2-3% category (meaning that only 2-3% of people have cancer with a primary that cannot be found). Even if no primary tumor is found, the NCI team recommends treating this as colon cancer. According to what was said today, I've been being treated with the wrong drugs all this time. Lung cancer gets certain types of chemo and drugs and colon cancer gets a different tpe. So far I've only been treated for lung cacner. And of course, if you've been keeping up with this blog, you know that despite my treatment, my cancer has been growing for the past year. Neither chemotherapy nor Tarceva has slowed or stopped it. I do feel hopeful that treatment with the right drugs would help...and also nervous that maybe it won't...

A big part of me thinks, OK, then if I am not going to die any time soon, maybe I should just stop all this depressing testing and treating and be happy. Maybe we could have another baby.

Sigh. Dreams dreams dreams...can't let go of that dream yet no matter how illogical I know it is...I love my son so dearly! I would love to have another child, another baby, another pregnancy. I would love for my son to have a sibling. (No, adoption is not for me. I want the physical experience of pregnancy and birth. I want a home birth! I want to nurse my baby till we are both done!)

Anyhow, I met with a gastroenterologist this afternoon. She was quite personable and sweet. She said she does not expect to find anything. I am scheduled for both an endoscopy and a colonoscopy on Monday (Dec. 29). Will post results here of course.

In other news, we gave Captain Adorable a toy drill tonight (it being the third night of Hanukkah). He loves it so much! He was totally engrossed. Just like Daddy's, only smaller and not as dangerous...I hope! ;)