Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Worst News (and The Best News) I Never Expected

OK, this is all extremely new and it has not really sunk in for me yet. I will probably say all the details wrong. But here we go.

The oncologist from NCI just called (I am in Tennessee). According to the tests they ran on my tumor tissue, everything points to COLON cancer, NOT lung cancer.

So, this means.....oh god this means my life has changed. It means there is far more hope of survival (50% survival rate after 5 years). It means more hope for treatment--there are many more drugs available for the treatment of colon cancer, which are well tolerated.

I still have stage 4 cancer, but now it looks like it is not lung cancer. And that is fabulous, wonderful news!!

However, it also means I've wasted a year. An entire fucking year. And now I have to find a new oncologist (no NCI lung cancer study for me, and NCI does not have a GI team) during the holidays, and I am certainly not going back to JHH. Even though of course I'd have new a oncologist, the problem for me is that I do not trust the pathology department in the slightest. I will not ever trust anything they do ever again. That year, that suffering through chemo, the whole Tarceva daventure, was all a waste. A waste of my time, my precious, precious time. And that is devastating, sad, break-my-heart news.


mamefati said...

woah! What an intense post Rose!
Gotta take awhile to stomach this one.
What can we all do for you?
Lots of good wishes for you!
Glad that the good news is so good!

Anonymous said...

WOW. That is some news! I am glad to hear it - but now the whole plan changes...
So how do they go about CONFIRMING if this is colon cancer?

AP said...

That's so unbelievable and yet so hopeful. What on earth was JHH doing? What the..? I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you embark on new treatment.

Anonymous said...

what wonderful news!!! just think about the future--you can't change the last year... thinking of you, mama~

Anonymous said...

Well, since regrets are a waste of time, I'm going to go ahead and say it. CONGRATULATIONS that your cancer is possibly less bad!!! I've been following your story for the past six months and am awed by your sanity! :)

Sullivans said...

wow. I dont even know what to say to that. Other than I am glad it is not lung cancer. I am glad you now know what it is. I am glad you will now have proper treatment. I am so sorry that it has taken so long to get to all of those things. You are in my prayers.

Mandie said...

I'm so sorry, yet so happy at the same time. ((Hugs))