I am NOT afraid of no longer being a patient!!!
1) Being a patient sucks and I would be happy to stop!
2) I am still a patient. I am not going to be saying goodbye to hospitals and doctors for quite a while. In fact, my next appointment with my oncologist is scheduled for May 5. About 3 months from now. Not that long! I will have a CT scan on that day, so I will get to go through the whole pre-med routine (prenisone, blah) and I get to have an IV (oh yay).
3) I am planning to do a couple of clinical trials at NCI in the upcoming months. I've not written about them because I do not have much information to share. They are both immunological trials. Yeah, I'd get a vaccine against cancer. Very proactive.
4) Who knows if the cancer will stay gone. It could be that I have to start chemo again after the results of my CT scan in May.
I AM afraid of:
1) What's next. Get a job? This is a terrible economy. I have plenty of education but not much recent experience. Brush up my resume? What am I even qualified for? How much energy should I even put into this, seeing as I am still really in treatment and there is a good chance that the cancer could come back.
2) Leaving my darling Captain Adorable.
I WANT to:
1) Be with my son and my family as much as possible. I have lots of plans for playing with the alphabet, some science (specifically: botany), music, gymnastics, and hopefully a trip to Tennessee.
2) Rest and heal. I am less than 6 weeks out from major surgery right now. I get winded quite easily. I need time to heal. I am less than 3 months from chemo. I still have side effects from that. (My side effects include: neuropathy, gasterointestinal problems, very dry skin, lack of libido, high stress level which results in exhaustion, insomnia, teeth grinding, and head aches.) I need time to heal from chemo as well.
This journey is far from over. This is not the end of my cancer fight, nor is it the end of this blog. ;)