Tuesday, May 18, 2010

CT Scan Tomorrow

My first post-surgery CT scan is tomorrow. I am scared. That familiar fear, as I said in a previous post, is affecting me right now. Over the weekend I was going through the prescription drugs, moving from one cabinet to another, and I was 1) amazed by the quantity of drugs there and 2) suddenly sobbing. Here is a pic of what I was looking at. This does not include the drugs upstairs in the bathroom, nor does it include the prescription bottles I've emptied. You're looking at thousands of dollars worth of drugs.
I had to quickly stop the sorrow because my little guy was worried. He hugged me (as encouraged by his Daddy) with a very serious face and I wiped my tears and told him that I had a choice to remain sad or to be happy and that I was going to be happy. I put on some happy music and we moved on with the day. Those memories of sorrow and pain and chemo are strong, though, and sometimes it is difficult to chose happiness.

But here's what we did later that day. Ahhhh, the sound of the wind and the water. The feel of the boat beneath you. Makes me so happy.
She's on a mooring. One day (the waiting list is 4-5 years long) we'll have a slip, but until then it is row row row. Which is also kinda fun.
Happy thoughts and memories to fill my heart and carry me through the procedures tomorrow.

Look at the time. Gotta take my prednisone soon.


Purser said...

Rose, I am thinking of you. I am sending you positive, warm, nurturing, peaceful energy. You are a beautiful, strong, amazing light to everyone you touch.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that you are scared. Hate that feeling it takes over everything. Positive vibes for you. Beautiful boat - it looks very big.

alexis224 said...

Oh bless your heart Rose. That is a striking image indeed, I can understand why it affected you so strongly. I'm thinking of you today, and I'm hoping you get favorable winds for a sailing trip soon after you're through the scan. xoxo!

mamefati said...

LOTS and LOTS of all clear, clean, and NEVER EVER coming back again vibes!

Kayleigh said...

I'm having a CT scan myself tomorrow, tho not for recurrence, but to check for lung damage from chemo. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as I join you.

It will be okay for us both!

kristenok18 said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers today.