Friday, January 11, 2008

At The Hospital

Johns Hopkins has a wireless network that patients can connect to when they are here for chemo treatment (and who knows what else). I figured since I could post from here, maybe I should, just to get the full experience in the blog.

After Captain Obvious and I put Captain Adoable to bed last night, we were sitting on the couch to hang out a bit and I cried some. I wish I did not have to be here today. Captain Obvious held me in his arms and my tears fell on his face and chest. A loving hug like that really goes a long way to comforting me, and I was able to stop crying in a little while. Captain Obvious got me an anti-anxiety pill and a milkshake to make me feel better. It did make me feel better and I slept well. In fact, I was awakened by two people (one large and one small) getting in bed with me! It was nice to cuddle my baby in my little bed.

I tried to hold him and interact with him as much as I could this morning because I know that for the next few days I am going to be too tired and sick to give him the attention I would like. I know my Mom takes excellent, gentle care of him and I know he loves her, but I wish I could do it myself.

I took 2 of the anti-anxiety pills this morning before leaving the house. I am siting here in the chemo ward typing and crying because I am waiting for the IV...and maybe also because I am feeling a little sory for myself. I know this is part one of the last chemo (I pray this is the last chemo) but oh my goodness how I hate all of this. I hate the way it smells here. I hate the sound the IV machine makes. I hate the color of the day bed I am sitting on. The nurse just arrived to put the IV more in a few minutes. I've got Keb Mo on the iPod, so hopefully that will help to keep my mind relaxed.


Amy said...

Aw mama I'm sorry. I know virtual hugs don't help much but (hug) anyway.

Amina said...

Hope you're not feeling too awful. Today I saw my grandson after 4 weeks. The change is amazing; he has turned into a little boy instead of a baby, he is stong and interested and inquisitive and funny. He even enjoyed the horsey game when it got to the gallop! Watching your little one learning more and more each day must be such a joy and a blessing.
much love to you all.