At The Hospital

Johns Hopkins has a wireless network that patients can connect to when they are here for chemo treatment (and who knows what else). I figured since I could post from here, maybe I should, just to get the full experience in the blog.

After Captain Obvious and I put Captain Adoable to bed last night, we were sitting on the couch to hang out a bit and I cried some. I wish I did not have to be here today. Captain Obvious held me in his arms and my tears fell on his face and chest. A loving hug like that really goes a long way to comforting me, and I was able to stop crying in a little while. Captain Obvious got me an anti-anxiety pill and a milkshake to make me feel better. It did make me feel better and I slept well. In fact, I was awakened by two people (one large and one small) getting in bed with me! It was nice to cuddle my baby in my little bed.

I tried to hold him and interact with him as much as I could this morning because I know that for the next few days I am going to be too tired and sick to give him the attention I would like. I know my Mom takes excellent, gentle care of him and I know he loves her, but I wish I could do it myself.

I took 2 of the anti-anxiety pills this morning before leaving the house. I am siting here in the chemo ward typing and crying because I am waiting for the IV...and maybe also because I am feeling a little sory for myself. I know this is part one of the last chemo (I pray this is the last chemo) but oh my goodness how I hate all of this. I hate the way it smells here. I hate the sound the IV machine makes. I hate the color of the day bed I am sitting on. The nurse just arrived to put the IV in...so more in a few minutes. I've got Keb Mo on the iPod, so hopefully that will help to keep my mind relaxed.