Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Journey Back To Normal

I am still close enough to the most recent chemo treatment that I feel somewhat sick and tired (threw up yesterday morning) but I am far enough away that I am starting to think about when I will return to the family bed. I have a CT scan and an appointment with my oncologist scheduled for the 28th, so I guess on that day I get to find out the answers to questions like how long till all the chemo is out of my body and when can I drink alcohol again...(not that I want to get drunk, but maybe some weekend night it would be nice to have a glass of wine with my husband).

Captain Adorable is learning new skills all the time. He plays (our version of) peekaboo now. Very cute! Earlier today I was doing laundry (in the basement) and he figured out a way to squeeze himself in between the railings protecting the stairs going to the basement. His efforts scared me because if he is successful, he could easily accidentally throw himself down the stairs. Captain Obvious is going to have to do some work on that railing tonight to make it impossible for the little one to squeeze through there anymore.

I still have no decided what, if anything, to do about employment and the bar. I do not want to have to put Captain Adorable into daycare. I feel that I can take better care of him than anyone else and I will cherish every little moment, every little development in a way no one else will, so why shouldn't it be me who cares for him? On the other hand, that does limit me and our family quite a bit...and Captain Obvious asks me if I don't think that it is possible that Captain Adorable could have fun being in day care, with other kids? I do not know, never having gone to day care myself...anyhow, no real conclusions, just thoughts.


smeffletop said...

I felt exactly as you did about staying home with my kids. I mean, I had never, ever wanted to be a "stay-at-home" mom, but when I looked into those precious eyes...and thought of someone else practically raising them - teaching them, molding them, being with them hours upon hours each day instead of me...and when I thought of missing that first step and first word and all those things...I decided then and there if it was at all possible...I was staying home with them until they started school...and I did...and I don't regret one single second of it! But, whatever you decide... I'm sure it'll be great for both you and Captain Adorable... I pray that your CT scan and appt Monday only bring GREAT news...

bonnie said...

Tasnima, I planned to return to work part time, but my daughter was so attached to me and I was so tuned into her needs that we changed our plans and I stayed with her, and I have never regretted it. Mother's intuition is very valid and i think you should trust it. You will know when the time is right (by the way, Sandra Day O'Connor stayed home with her kids when they were young, and returned to work when they were older....)

I hope you feel better and stronger every day!

Lots of love,