I love my husband and I asked him for a divorce last night. I feel guilty that my disease is trapping him too. The disease and the treatment makes me (even more) unattractive, unhappy, and (physically) weak. I will never pass the Bar. I will never bring home an income. I will be a financial and emotional drain for him until I die. I will die before him (provided he lives to his natural potential) and leave him a widower with a minor child with very little life insurance. He has to provide for me and for the financial demands of my treatment and then will have to care for and educate our son with no help from me. He deserves better.
He said no, in case you were unsure.
8 comments:
I am so sorry to hear you are at such a difficult/shitty emotional place. *hugs* from Hawaii, and I hope that you feel "better" about things again soon. Your husband & son are lucky for each day of memories you create - be it 10 years or 10 months.
This post brought me to tears. The love you have for each other is amazing.
Love and warmth,
Mandie
I'm so glad he said "NO" and feel certain he sees your beauty and value even if you don't in what must be, some of the most difficult of times in your life.
With warmest regards,
Of course he said NO. Enjoy your time together. Don't be so hard on yourself. I read a story about Elizabeth Edwards today, her cancer has not really changed in the last year even though it is thought to be terminal. She said, if I had 5 years then, then I have five years now, if i can just keep going like this... Made me check your blog to see how you were doing.
Cancer is the problem, not you. All THREE of you deserve better than cancer, not just the Captain. Neither of the Captains could do better than you.
I was at your wedding, and I don't remember if it was said or not...but "In sickness and in health" was most certainly implied.
Let him share this pain with you, you don't have to go through it by yourself, and you don't have to try and make it easier for anyone else- we love you.
Yes, Jackie, "in sickness and in health" WAS part of our wedding vows. I just hate to inflict this long, sad, stressful illness on my husband. I want the best for him and these days I really don't feel like I (because I am full of cancer) am the best for him.
All can be
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