Sunday, February 15, 2009

Bad Things and Good Things

Tomorrow I am going to JHH to get the testing done for a chemo start on Friday. I am all hopped up on Prednisone, as usual, because the JHH doctors want a scan with contrast, despite the fact that I just had one a bit over a month ago. I hate Prednisone. I think I am getting depressed because I am oh so tired and unmotivated. Still have not finished the laundry I started yesterday and left the house a big mess last night. Have not answered emails. Barely remembered that I needed to be pre-medicated in time to take the meds this afternoon. Managed to get a decent dinner cooked for Captain cauliflower, vegetarian patties, and couscous. He mostly just ate the couscous but also ate some cauliflower (one piece he ate raw, snatched from the cutting board while he watched me prep it for steaming. The patties were too crunchy for him, I think. Later he ate some of Captain Obvious' pizza (leftover from last night) in addition. He has lately complained several times about his pants being "too tight" and I've had to let out several of the places I took them in just a few weeks ago! Yipee!

While we were in Costa Rica, Captain Adorable kind of asked about why I go to the doctor all the time. I can't really remember the blow-by-blow, but it was clear to me that he was asking about it (and also clear to Capt. Obvious, who was outside on the veranda, but heard us talking). So, I told him that I have cancer. Of course he does not know what that means, but I am glad that he asked me about it and I am glad that it was me who got to tell him about it. I hope as he gets older he will continue to ask me questions. I look forward to always communicating with my son, even about the bad/sad things. My parents never lied to me (or, not in any meaningful way) and I think it is very important to never lie to my son either. Of course I will explain things in concepts and words that I think he can understand, but I will always explain things more fully if
I am asked.

Two days ago, Captain Adorable told me he loves me for the first time. He has said "yuv you" in response to me before but never initiated the expression before.

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