Thursday, December 31, 2009

Another Day At NCI

I left home at about 11:40. It was raining and had been freezing rain during the night and morning, but the roads were not too bad. I got to NCI at about 12:40, longer than I had anticipated. I had difficulty finding the room where the Pre-Anesthesia Clinic was located, so I showed up about 20 minutes after that...late late late. The anesthesiologist was very nice, very personable. I cried a bit (just out of nerves and fear and memories of pain) but we ended up making a deal (even shook on it) that I would not die "on the day after my son's birthday." Then I talked with the nurse, who was not as jolly as the doctor, but still nice.

I got a lot more information about the surgery today. Oh man this is not going to be fun. I had forgotten just how much this is going to suck. At least the hospital I will be in is nicer than JHH was. Oh God please help me. I am scared and scared and scared. I remember the pain of each breath. I remember the long road back to normal movements. I'm still not back to normal, really, and the last surgery was over 2 years ago. My son, my son, my I abandoning him? Is this a lost cause anyhow? This surgeon better not pull any weird tricks like taking out what is left of my right lung. I'd rather do more chemo than loose so much lung function. I signed an agreement which said wedge resection...maybe I will email Dr. Surgeon and just make sure...

I am thinking of writing a letter to tell Captain Adorable how I love him and what I hope for him just in case I don't make it back alright. There is only a 1% chance that I won't make it out of surgery and I am thinking these thoughts from a place of stress and fear, but yeah, I am thinking these thoughts.

Then I went to Nuclear Medicine for another test, called a Ventilation/perfusion scan (for more info, check out the Wikipedia entry). This test took quite a while and mostly involved me sitting still for 3-5 minutes at a time while x-rays were taken of my lungs. I had to breathe in Xenon gas (radioactive isotope) and an x ray was taken while I breathed it. I also had to have a radioactive isotope (did not get the name) injected and then sit still in 8 different positions while having an xray taken. Then, finally, at 3:30 I was finished. I went to the cafeteria; so sorry those people had to work New Year's Eve but I was happy to see that salad bar! I was also cheered to see the marinated tofu! :)

I forget what else I was going to say. I'm freaking out a bit. I've been eating a lot of super delicious, fatty foods. Captain Adorable keeps cutting on his guy (a plastic gorilla/abominable snowman who gets bigger when soaked in water for a few days) and sayong he's taking out the cancer and at the same time he gets very upset (almost to the point of tears) when we tell him tomorrow is January. This from the guy who would get so excited he'd jump up and down at the prospect of January. Yes, he knows his birthday is coming. Yes, he knows Mama is going to the hospital to have surgery to take out her cancer and stay in the hospital. Which one do you think has his attention?

As far as I know, and I don't know much, the left lung will not be touched in this surgery because there is no way to get to the left apex through the hole that will be cut to reach the tumors in my right lung. Plus you don't operate on both lungs during one operation. (I think...)

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